I can still remember those days when my mother and I would have these long conversations about relationships. She would share her experience with dad and the smile she gave when she was talking about the good man that he is, but there is the other side that would sometimes leave a tear or two from her eyes, it was in those moments I wondered if this is an experience I would want to have, I had my doubts. The power struggle in your relationship with knowledge can end up being like a hot knife through butter. Difficult can mean better in the future, it is how we approach challenges that decide our relationship’s success.
The attraction and romance stage for all of us would have been the stage that most will remember. Unlike some countries have arranged marriages, most countries rely on chemistry to engage in an intimate relationship. We look for beauty in the eyes of the beholder. We also look for the familiarity of views and our ideas.
All couples experience this phase. It occurs when you are beginning to get to know each other; it’s the common dating step to go through. Some experts call this stage the fantasy phase or honeymoon stage because your partner can seem perfect during this time. This stage can last from a few months to up to two years. This stage is the fun stage, but after a while, it changes.
The reality stage is now stepping in. We are discovering that potentially good relationships sometimes fall apart at this stage. If you can accept each other’s flaws chance are you can make it to the next stage. Let us focus on this stage.
What began as reality setting in during stage two often turns to disappointment. Couples at this stage spend about a year working out their differences to get to a place of stability. If you’re able to communicate in healthy ways and see positive progress, you’re likely to move to the next phase. The problems presented here are:
As a couple, you believe that arguments are bad, but you are angry at each other anyway.Some of the anger can be over trivial things such as small differences between you.
Since you don’t realize that conflict can be healthy, you wonder if this relationship is doomed. You likely have thoughts of breaking up or getting divorced.
Without strong communication, trust, and the ability to work as a team, couples are unlikely to advance past this stage.
How to turn this around:
1. Come clean about one thing.
We all hold a few secrets that would deeply hurt others if they found out. This is normal. Certain things should simply be kept to ourselves. But honesty can trigger wonders in your partner’s opinion of you. Admitting that you made mistakes, told a lie but trust that if you come clean about one thing, this could trigger a good feeling if someone is going to break it off with you because you were honest about a mistake you made then this relationship may not be the one for you.
2. Evaluate the reasons you are together.
Go right back to the beginning, what were the qualities that attracted you to this person? Evaluating the reason you came together can help with solidifying why you should stay together.
There is a right way and wrong way in communicating your feelings and your findings when you are addressing your partner. Identify your voice, ask yourself if you were talking to yourself the way you are talking to your partner if you would be happy with the tone? If your answer is no, then you need to start working on yourself. To make an impact on your relationship is to start changing things about yourself.
Stay away from heavy conversations in stressful times, and especially in the heat of emotion. Calm down, then approach the topic again. Don’t just sound off with your concerns; delve to the core of the matter by drawing your partner into the dialogue first.
4. Learn to Bond with each other.
Ask yourself, what is it that we do together that is about us? Being in a physical space where you have powerful memories of strong attachment can reignite the passion. Or, you can try something you’ve never tried before. The excitement of something new produces serotonin and dopamine in our brains. It doesn’t have to be something extraordinary; even sitting on a park bench watching the children play as you hold hands can be magical if love exists. The important thing is that you stop talking about taking that vacation, or trying that new spot, and follow through on your intention to reconnect together.
5. Cut out external influences.
This is sometimes difficult for some of us who are social butterflies. If you find that your family and friends are more important to you than your partner, it is time to let them go, well not completely. Keep your relationship as private as possible and divulge as little details as you can. Don’t automatically admit your love woes to others. Chances are they don’t hold the answers to your problems. Open up the gateways of communication instead and confess your concerns to your partner. Try to build good memories and not fight with your partner for space, navigate with kindness and longsuffering, patience and honesty. Most relationship if watered every day will bloom magnificently.
6. Forgive and Forget.
You may need some help in understanding what it means to forgive each other. If anger, disappointment, bitterness and animosity is holding you back from making any progress with your partner then forgive.
Power Struggle in Your Relationship
Forgo the negative emotions keeping you from true forgiveness. Remind yourself that whatever happened, happened and that there is no reason to drag the past into your future. Lingering on hurtful memories only perpetuates them. Be mindful that forgiveness is a process, not a result, so perform small, daily acts that are reflective of your intent to pardon.
Are you a negative person? Then ask yourself, what do you have to lose if you decided to be positive about your relationship? While we should never remain in a relationship that jeopardizes our well-being, all relationships will require our earnest effort and compliance with our partner’s needs. Not giving up on someone and trying our very best to make it work are honourable tasks to undertake. Use these (6) ways to save your struggling relationship and reap the benefits of an unbreakable loving bond. Slide into the next stages of Stability and Commitment in style. I can assure you that it is going to be worth it after all.
Dedicated to a special client – CD.