He met her and immediately become attractive, for the purpose of anonymity we will call him Charlie. She was a thing of beauty, most guys would not hesitate to date someone looking like her, the relationship started off with a bang.
Charlie is talking now of a rocky start, things would be good one minute and the next she was telling him to go &*^%$ himself. She was threatening that she could get any man she wanted and he was no good for her, she could get any man she wanted and he was the worse boyfriend she ever had. The next minute she cannot do without him, that she was grateful for him, that he represented something that was very different, respectable and honest and the minute Charlie thought it was going to be peaceful, she just went off again.
Relationship ambivalence is chronic uncertainty, one day you want to be with the person the next day you want to run to the hills, the question is, “can it work with someone who is ambivalent.
Perhaps you too have been there. Will the pain, struggle, and conflict never end? Or will you be able to work through issues together and find enduring love? Are you both willing to change and grow? Or are there insurmountable issues, such as intractable abandonment fears, trauma, abuse, or addiction? Would you be wise to reinvest, or cut your losses and get out now?
Sometimes it is difficult to tell, because if it is a case of past experiences being projected, how can you be so sure that staying will not bring some positive changes and you both can look back and say it was all worth it?
When I was asked by Charlie if he should leave the relationship, it was difficult to answer. Charlie is a dedicated young man who believes in family, structure and mutuality. He prides himself on hard work, very dedicated to what he puts his mind to and the only challenge is finding someone who wants to walk that road with him. After meeting Rachel, she decided to give her the best of himself but is now discovering that she may be struggling with bipolar disorder. A combination of things has led Rachel to be ambivalent and Charlie is pulling out his hair in trying to find a way to fix either himself or her, but something has to be fixed.
Charlie is at the stage now where he is totally confused, should I stay or should I leave? I think most of us have the answer to these questions, what is difficult is actually doing what we know to be true. “She can be beautiful when she is on her game, we can laugh, we have fun together… when she needs space she can be very rude, threatening and downright disgusting, those are the times that I go bunkers because we can be having fun and right in the middle of it, bam!” I can hear the hurt from the back of his throat, how can she say these things and hope that I would okay with it?
There are some things to consider:
There could be health issues contributing to her ambivalence, see a doctor together.
It could be hormonal, sometimes after pregnancy, a woman will be up and down with her moods, that is something to take into consideration.
- Cravings for sugar or other comfort foods or substances
- Hives or other skin eruptions
- Chronic infection
- Heart palpitations
- A knot in the stomach
- Poor digestion
- Restlessness, twitching, or nervous habits
- Chronic pain, such as in the back, neck, shoulders, or jaw
- Grinding teeth
If any of the above is related to any psychosomatic behaviour, stress, suppress feelings can lead to ambivalent behaviour. If after a checkup and your doctor cannot locate anything do not be surprised if he said, it is all in your head. If that is the case then if your mind is confused about which way to go then I would recommend tuning in to your body, the other suggestion is tuning in to your higher source. Sometimes the answer is not in your head, it is a walk in the park, just sitting in the dark, talking to a friend about the good old days, but do not sit there and try and fight with him/her.
The problem with loving an ambivalent is never an easy one, but you do not have to fight Charlie, you can decide to fight the evil with good intentions. If you walk away too early you may never know if you have lost your chance at true love. Never underestimate the power of a man who loves unconditionally.