You have fallen hard for her, she has character and looks, everything you dreamed about. All the warm, fuzzy feelings have added a spring to your step. Even the thought of her makes your heart skip a beat. You have done all you can to make her see how you feel and win her affection but to no avail, and now, perhaps, you are now confused, you would certainly like to have her but she is not showing the interest that would encourage you in your pursuit.
The rational, pragmatic part of you may be telling you to pull the plug and make peace with your unrequited love. But a small voice in your head keeps telling you that you could win her over if only you tried just a little harder. Which of these two voices do you listen to – the romantic or the realistic? How do you decide when to stop chasing a girl?
One clear sign that it’s time to stop chasing her is if your advances make her uncomfortable because then you’re crossing into the tricky territory of stalking. But what if she’s sending you mixed signals? Is it then okay to keep chasing a girl until she relents? Clearly, this can be a muddled terrain to navigate, made even more confusing by a rush of emotions getting in the way of your sound judgment.
To make sure you’re not crossing any lines in the name of love, and at the same time, wasting your emotions and energies in chasing a girl who is not interested in you, let’s help you understand when to take a step back or move on.
When I was a youngster my older friends would say, keep going, she is just playing hard to get, needless to say I got my heart broken with that approach a number of times. There are women however who will test you to see how loyal and sincere you are, all you need to do is know the difference and not give up only to be told many years after that she did like you but you did not fight hard enough.
Understanding women, even someone you have been with for years (your sister or women friends) is tough and here you have to figure out whether the girl you like reciprocates your feelings or will like you in the future or not, that’s an even bigger toughie! Women can play hard to get and decoding that is not always easy.
What if she likes you and you do not pursue her enough? Another guy wrote to us, saying “I stopped chasing her now she wants me.” Men most often don’t understand when to back off from a girl, what is the right time to stop trying with a girl or how to tell if she wants you to chase her.
Whenever you text her, her answers will always be to the point. You won’t get a warm and friendly feeling from her messages. At times she may not even reply to your messages. It might be because she feels nothing and doesn’t want to lead you on. Remember most women are coded to give soft “nos” for either safety reasons, or out of respect because they expect you to be smart enough to connect the dots, do it.
It is her way of saying that she isn’t interested in you. You might keep pursuing her thinking that by doing so she will acknowledge your gestures and fall for you. Sorry to break your dream, but such gestures will only give her a creep and stalker alert! These are signs she wants you to back off. So, take the hint, and stop chasing her.
She is always busy
How many times has she told you that she is busy? You try to make plans to meet up or hang out but she always has an excuse. Even if you try to make plans according to her schedule, something comes up at the last moment. It may even make you question, “Is it worth chasing a girl when she never reciprocates to my advances?”
Her explanation may seem genuine but you will get the feeling that you are just not important enough. You check her social media profiles only to see how much fun she has had at a friend’s party. She may have forgotten to mention that she was busy only for you. The next time she cancels on you, just wait for her to message or call or even send a WhatsApp forward, wait for some initiative from her and respond to that.
Check if that message gets an immediate reply? If not, she is just too polite to say no to you upfront. Move on! You can read these signs to know if she is into you. Remember if she cancels a meeting/date and doesn’t offer to re-schedule or offer excuses without follow-ups, it is time to run in the other direction.
An emotional relationship is a relationship between two people that only involves sharing emotional baggage with one another. She ignores the fact that you like her and calls you only when she needs you. Perhaps some girl in your group has been rude to her and she wants you to be on her side. Or maybe she wants your help with a project or is feeling bad about herself.
She becomes needy and clingy when her life is a mess, you give her the attention and pampering she needs at that point to feel good about herself. But as soon as her crisis is over, you again go to the backburner. She is using you as her crutch to get over her bad phases. To understand when to stop chasing a girl, look at whether your emotional needs are even being acknowledged, let alone met, in this equation. If the answer is no, it’s time to get over it.
Listen to the voice
All of us have an internal code in our heads, we know when something is off, the problem is some persons get so caught up with their feelings they turn off the voice in their heads.
Showing interest to someone you care about is very different from chasing and as you can see chasing is really defined as you trying to persuade someone to reciprocate what you feel for them, if you find that you have to go the extra mile without any encouragement then you are chasing too hard.
Men are wired to chase, but you need to apply to sense to your chase so you do not make the other person uncomfortable. No matter how handsome and rich you are, it doesn’t make a difference if you come off as pushy and insensitive to the other persons feelings, you will strike out if you make the other person uncomfortable. I started out the article addressing men, but more women are chasing as our society is changing in the 21st Century.
Chasing a woman you care genuinely about can be exciting, but if the person you are chasing is not reciprocating at any point, then take your foot off the pedal, who knows, taking your foot off the pedal could change your fortune, most times it does.