The question of age has always been an issue of sort. Age gap will always be a topic of interest, especially for those who will have the experience of falling for someone who may be younger or older by a significant margin. Does age matter? Lets dig in…
Before answering the question, “Can it work between an older woman and a younger man?”, let me just share an experience I had many years ago as I did fall for a woman, who was not necessarily significantly older, but old enough to have gotten the attention of my parents and friends. Despite her beauty and charm, they still had their doubts about what it would feel like in 10 years time for me; I was all about the here and now.
You meet a WOMAN and there’s an instant connection—you’re both into Orange Is the New Black, her dry sense of humor kills you, and dang, those eyes! And then you learn that the same year you graduated college, she was getting a divorce from a marriage of 15 years with two beautiful children that she would never trade for the world.
Dating someone older — whether you’re two or three years her junior or she is entering cougar territory and is closer in age to your mother—certainly can work (look at Susan Sarandon, Kate Hudson and Halle Berry). However, while being in a relationship with an “older woman” in a relationship does have some bonuses, it also has some roadblocks. If you want to make things work, be sure you can handle the following pros and cons.
The Sex
Biologically speaking, since men reach their sexual prime in their twenties while women don’t typically peak until their 30s and 40s, a 20-something man dating a women 10 or even 20 years his senior might just be the perfect match in bed. Given that younger men also tend to have more stamina, this dating scenario might be the ideal scenario for many older women and younger men.
Fun Dates
A younger man is anxious to please. He will go out of the way to ensure that his older partner is content, so be prepared for rock climbing one week and dinner the next. Sure, he may be awkward in opening doors and pulling out chairs, but, for the most part, you will not be bored. Does age matter?
Less Baggage
I must say that when I met her it was probably my second real relationship, so while she was talking about divorce, I was listening and trying to figure out what the word marriage even meant. Dating a younger man means less baggage to contend with. You do not have to deal with his kids, ex wife issues and all that. The older you get, the more baggage there is.
But, it also means that he has less experience in the dating world. This means that he may not have learned the best way to maintain good communication, how / when to compromise for the sake of the relationship, and other important skills that a couple needs to have a successful relationship. In this case, it is important that the older, more experienced woman is able to pick and choose which battles to fight when issues arise.
Lifestyle Differences
I enjoyed sports growing up. In fact, I played football and some cricket, and most weekends I was out with my team mates having a great time. She just never understood this, and it contributed to some tense moments. I really did enjoy hanging with my friends, this will always be an issue, so be warned. However, it should not take away from the beautiful moments that you will both spend together. As long as you both know what to expect, it can save you some anxieties. Does age matter?
Family Ties
If he is close to his mother, an older woman will not get around his mother not being comfortable with the older woman and younger man (her son) issue. There is no getting around that and only time will soothe his mother’s feelings about you and him. However, with time, if you are truly there for each other and all witnesses are seeing that you both are happy, it will be infectious on others.
Sugar Mommy?
Even if the chemistry is there and both partners are on the same page about many things, they may be at different stages in their careers. As a younger man, especially if he is only in his 20s, he may still be seeking out his perfect job or he could be just starting to climb the corporate ladder. However, his older partner, if she is in her 30s or 40s, may have already established her career and is already successful and financially stable. She might even own her own house. In this scenario, there is always the risk that the younger man will feel inadequate since he cannot provide for his partner the way that society still often implies he should.
Does age matter?
However, just like there are many women known to date older men for their money, the same can be true for younger men and there is always the risk that a younger man is just using his older partner for her money. But, some women don’t mind being a sugar mamma. And, being the breadwinner may not matter to the older woman, especially if the traditional roles are reversed and the man is the homemaker. Like in my case, I was good with the kids, I could do dinner and she just came home from work and waited and you could see how appreciative she was at that fact. At the end of the day, only you can decide if a younger man works for you.
To this day I still think that my ex and I could work, it was the environment and skeptics around us that made it difficult for us and she ran because she thought that maybe they had a point and broke my heart.
