The affair happened, you promised that you would not do it again, you are determined to be the best you can be, your partner said, they have forgiven you and you both went for counselling, the ground rules were set and so far so good, but you are feeling stuck somehow, that alive person is missing, you are just going through the motion, still missing your Affair Partner you try to make the best of your days, but how can you continue to live like this? Is it possible that you can experience Healing after an affair?
Have you decided to make the life you currently have better? Or do you, like many others, feel paralyzed and unable to take the next step? If you feel as though you’re stuck, due to being unsure of what direction you should take or should you seek help and who should you seek help from, believe me, I get it.
Survey has shown that persons are not necessarily proactive when faced with certain issues. You go to the doctor and he is discovering that your heart is not doing so well, he gives you a list with the type of food to eat, he is also suggesting regular exercise, but you know you love fries, and getting up in the morning to exercise, C’mon!
Most persons do not respond to the thought of preventing a heart attack, they make their move after the heart attack and for some, it is too late.
I recently read an article and found the research interesting, this was written by Rick Reynolds, LCSW, it read – “Making a decision between one unknown and another can leave us stuck. In fact, people tend to be driven to irrational decisions because of too much complexity.
Two psychologists, Amos Tversky and Eldar Shafir, conducted research revealing that the mere existence of uncertainty altered how people made decisions, even when they knew the desired outcome. For instance, imagine that you’re in college and you’ve just completed an important final exam a couple of weeks before the Christmas holidays.
You have to wait two days to get the exam results back. Meanwhile, you see an opportunity to purchase a vacation to Hawaii during the holidays at a bargain–basement price. Here are your three options: You can buy the vacation today, pass on it today, or pay a five dollar fee to lock in the price for two days allowing you to make your decision after you got your grades. What would you do? Like the students who faced this choice in the experiment, you may feel some desire to know the outcome of your exam before you decide. So Tversky and Shafir simply removed this uncertainty for two groups of participants. These groups were told up front how they did on the exam. Some students were told that they had passed the exam, and 57% of them chose to go on the trip (after all, it makes for good celebration). Other students were told that failed the exam, and 54% of them chose to go on the trip (after all, it makes for good recuperation). The majority of those who passed and those who failed wanted to go to Hawaii.
But here’s the twist: the group of students who didn’t know the final exam results behaved completely differently. The majority of them (61%) paid five dollars to wait for two days. Think about that! If you pass, you want to go to Hawaii. If you fail, you want to go to Hawaii. But if you don’t know whether you passed or failed, you’d wait and see? This doesn’t seem logical. The majority of students were going to take the trip regardless of whether they passed or failed, but they wanted to know the outcome before they made the decision, even though they already knew the decision they would make regardless of the outcome.
Interestingly enough if you are a victim or the guilty one, the question you will ask is if your relationship is going to make it and like the students, you will be stuck with this question for a while. Whether you decide to live your life or not, there is going to be an answer to the question, if your marriage/relationship succeeds or fails, we all want a better life.
Whatever you are feeling, please do not sit there and not take action, you can only benefit from doing something, but to do nothing out of fear is only going to hurt you.
Do not wait to see where the relationship/marriage is going to go, take action now! It is like you are driving at good speed, you are enjoying the ride, the wind behind your back, suddenly you hear a loud sound, you lose control of the motor vehicle for a second, the worst thing you can do is take your hands off the steering and feet off the gas and break, if you allow that car to run without taking control, I can assure you, there is going to be an accident, but if you take the controls again, chances are you can steer your car back to a safe place.
An affair is bad, but do not allow it to define the outcome of your marriage/relationship, you can recover, whether you choose to continue or not.
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