One of the worse feelings is discovering that you have been cheated on, there is no doubt in your mind, it is confirmed by your partner, some will lie and carry the lie to their grave, but that is not what we addressing, you know for sure he/she was caught cheating.
Even if you had your suspicions you will be shocked by the discovery and the way it is handled is very important to how you approach relationships in the future. I have seen strong men crumble when they discover they were cheated on, some even take their own lives, I have witnessed women going completely out of their minds after the revelation of a cheating spouse.
After much thought this is what you should do:
Talk to your partner
Instead of going in and firing bombs, ask your partner what you heard or saw. This is the hardest part, to sit there and listen to your partner talk about your suspicion of cheating. Keep still, do not intimidate with the tone, do not jump to conclusions, do not say guilty before hearing all that your partner has to say. Do not be afraid to ask the hard questions and if you have to ask the same question twice, do it, you need clarity. Encourage at all times honesty and transparency, dialogue when encouraged will reveal so much.
Determine whether you were actually cheated on.
Ask yourself these questions: Were you officially boyfriend and girlfriend at the time this “cheating” occurred? Were you officially monogamous? If not, you cannot be sure that your significant other knew what he or she was doing would offend you, in which case you might want to consider less confrontational options. If you were exclusive and after the dialogue you know for sure that you were cheated on then you need to act. How to handle a cheating partner is not just about their issue, but what is happening to the relationship.
Ask yourself if you will ever be able to look at your partner the same way.
Infidelity doesn’t mean much for some, and some people have more than one physical relationship and it doesn’t suggest a shortcoming in their relationship with their steady partner, but this is rare. Infidelity often indicates boredom and dissatisfaction with the present relationships. Dealing with a partner who doesn’t want you in the first place, or one who doesn’t mind hurting you is ridiculous. Dump him/her if this is the case. If you are not sure you want to break, take a couple of days and think about it, you do not have to break and then consider taking the person back, it would be better to ask for space and then consider. Once you break, then there should be no going back.
Do not start Rumours
even if you are sure about the cheating, do not go around telling friends and relatives, you do not need to share the reasons your relationship came to an end. Get tested for STD if you were having unprotected sex.
What are you doing that is triggering the issue, it might be time to have an open discussion with your partner and clear the air. Perhaps couples counselling is in order. If divorce is the chosen option, remember it can get very ugly, very quickly, and your indiscretions will be brought into the limelight as well. Cheating hurts, but you do not have to bury each other when it happens, we are social beings; more often than not a partner will cheat in one way or another.
Again, there is no definitive way to tell if your partner is cheating without asking directly or catching them in the act. What may be a warning sign in one relationship may be nothing to be concerned about in another relationship. In fact, most signs of infidelity are quite subtle. It is only when the lies and stories stop adding up that the cheating usually comes to light.
Don’t try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone. Before you make any decisions about whether or not to end your marriage, it’s wise to seek relationship therapy either together or alone.