Valentine’s Day is now gone, we are easing ourselves out of February and I thought it was awesome for some, it was not that good for others. You love your partner but you are not happy, there are just so many things that are going wrong, so many things to fix, and you are now just tired of the arguing, the misunderstandings, the sleepless nights, and wondering, is this the way a relationship should be?
How to leave when you are still in love just happens to be one of the biggest questions for some, so let us take our time to listen to what is in the heart and make a decision for your long term happiness.
1. You’re convincing yourself that nothing is wrong.
Unfortunately, denial is a drug of choice for many women. First things first. You’ve got to come to the light. If all of your friends and family are questioning why you’re still holding on to such a broken person or relationship, it’s usually because you shouldn’t be. You’re doing yourself a disservice by lying to yourself. Still, a woman in love can manage to convince herself that there isn’t anything wrong with her man or her relationship. You wrote a letter to him and the letter is not conveying to him truly what you are feeling, it is suggesting that you are in denial.
2. You’re convincing yourself that overall things can change and you will regret your decision.
Many of us were taught that “if the good outweighs the bad” we should stick things out. I don’t really think we understand that phrase too well as Millennials. It doesn’t mean if you can convince yourself that most things are ‘okay’ that the bad things aren’t that bad. It doesn’t mean that you have to be ‘ride or die’ just because the two of you shared some good times. If you’re having to constantly tell yourself that overall you’re happy–you’re not really happy.
3. You’re afraid of losing him to another woman.
Another big thing I have noticed with Millennial women are they stay in dysfunctional relationships simply because they don’t want to “lose” the guy to the other woman (or women) in his life. I know it sucks, but this is literally the worst decision one can make by holding on to someone because they think someone else could make him happy. If other women can occupy their time and attention that easily… let him go on his merry way! I promise you, you’ll bounce back!
4. You’re afraid of being alone.
Getting out of a really serious relationship changes a lot of things in your life. I get it. You’re used to thinking, feeling, and living for the two of you. That’s just how most women think, it is not unusual. Don’t be afraid to leave a man that is not feeding you the love you need, because you’re afraid of being alone. Being alone after being in a toxic relationship is an amazing way to build yourself back up and place your crown back on your head where it belongs. Embrace your singleness!
5. You’re worried that you won’t find better.
We don’t really like to admit it, but another reason you can’t leave him when you know you should is that you’re afraid that you won’t find anyone better than him. And when I say better than him, I mean in the way you see him–not everybody else. You don’t think you’ll find anyone who makes you feel the way he does… but I promise you, if you heal and move on, you’ll find someone who will completely change your outlook on love because they will actually put in the effort to love you the right way–and that is exactly what you deserve!
6. You’re trying to hold on to memories.
You want to know why it’s so easy to convince yourself that you need to work through this dead-end relationship? Because you’re stuck on things that used to be. You’re stuck thinking about how he was when you first got together. You’re still telling people about the way he used to make you feel and things he used to do. You gotta live life in the present. Remember, he was never supposed to stop doing the things it took to get you in the first place! It is a little more complex if you were the one that inspired the relationship, to begin with. Sometimes in the beginning when a woman had to do the “here I am, choose me”, it is always difficult to find something to convince her to go or stay.
7. You’re trying to avoid the “I told you so.”
When you finally get out of this toxic relationship, you’ll have a few people who will be proud of you and cheer you on… but you’ll also have to face those people who can’t wait to tell you “I told you so.” To be quite frank, it’s annoying AF, but it ain’t the end of the world. Do not focus on others opinion, just focus on what your heart is feeling.
8. You’re putting him first.
At the end of the day, you’re putting him and his feelings over your own. You’re not choosing yourself, and that will ALWAYS put you on the wrong track. Ask yourself one question… does he put my feelings before his own? I’m assuming the answer is no. You are worth it! If he is good at manipulating you in feeling that you hold the key to the relationship and you are the reason for the failure of the relationship you will be compelled in doing something to fix it, but that too is another reason to leave, you cannot fix it, if WE cannot fix it, then there is no fixing the relationship.
Still in Love
Oftentimes, people don’t say anything at all out of fear that they’ll say the wrong thing. It’s important to take a step back and think before you speak. However, when it comes to relationships, not even your partner can read your mind. There comes a time when you must be able to talk about your feelings, be open, and discuss what is going on with the relationship and where to go from here. Communication is key and can help you both navigate what’s going on and where to go from here. Being in love is no reason to stay in a toxic relationship.