Just another hard day at work, could not wait to get home, not really I just wanted to be somewhere, anywhere to wind down my weary soul. It has been a couple of years now that I was not feeling my relationship, we were going through the motion and I wanted to do something to get the spark back. We discussed it, argued about it, went to counselling, dated each other like we did when we first met each other… nothing worked!
I was frustrated and so stopped talking, it was a lonely road, then again cheating was not on the cards, the guilt is too much for me, I wanted it all from the woman I vowed to love and cherish for better or worse until death and irrespective of my dark feelings, I am still dedicated to being true to that vow. We are not going to fail, even if I have to drag her by the hair, this is it… today!
Me: Hi, how was your day?
Her: It was okay, how was your day?
Me: Just another day at the office, that feeling you get when it is time to move on, but what am I going to do, the bills have to be paid… (LOL!)
Her: I know the feeling too well, I had just a few patients today, it has to get better or I am going to have to run away.
Me: We need to talk, I know you are not a fan of this subject of us, but we cannot continue to live like this, it is not healthy.
She: It certainly isn’t (sigh) let me finish this and then we can talk.
Two hours later she was ready to talk…
Me: We sleep in separate bedrooms, we hardly talk to each other, we never discuss our plans for the future, when we do it feels and sounds superficial and to be honest, I do not know what to do or where to turn. Let me know what you really want to do, whatever it is I am ready to accept it.
She: I am sorry, but the feelings are not there, (looking at me with steely eyes, but I remain unmoved and calm) in fact I think we made a mistake by being married to each other, I am in love with someone else, the touch factor is missing from our marriage, it has nothing to do with you, we are just not compatible.
Me: How long you have been feeling like this?
She: For a while now but I decided to live like this for the rest of my life, so I never raised the subject. You are a good man, but not the person for me in a marriage.
Me: Well I guess this is it then because I cannot continue to live like this, so I guess we need to discuss what we need to do about separating from each other.
She: Sure, I guess that is the only solution to this, I am sorry, one has to be practical.
It’s Over, Just Accept It
I could share with you what happened to my mind after that dialogue but that is another story for another time, but I will say this to all those who are experiencing this or those who will be experiencing separation soon. Getting angry at your partner for expressing their feelings is not going to make it any easier, it is not going to change their minds, the calmer you are the more information you will receive and the more information you receive will definitely contribute to your healing and the way you process the separation, this healing is all-important because it will dictate your life after a broken relationship.
Many still suffer after a broken relationship, do not be afraid of what your future life has for you, trust your ability to bounce back and be happy, like everything else in this life there are no guarantees. Enjoy the person you are with, love them with all you got, do not wait, do not carry a grudge and learn to forgive… if your relationship is going well, now is the time to put checkmarks in place and preserve it. I knew it was over when I decided to start listening.
This article was written many years ago. Update: We got divorced and I am now remarried and I am jumping over the moon. When the story ends and they live happily ever after maybe a fairy tale, it can actually happen, don’t ever give up.