Wanting to know more about the “No Contact Rule” is surely the result of either of these two: you want your ex back or you want to get over him. Whichever the case, you are planning to create some distance and can only hope that it has some positive effects on the both of you.
Needless to say, breakups are really messy. It can leave you missing the person even more. Or sometimes, you would feel that you just want to forget everything that happened between the two of you. Whether you want that second chance or that freedom, the “No Contact Rule” can be your best bet.
What is this rule all about?
- As the name literally suggests, it means that you avoid all means of communication with your ex. You set a certain amount of time (usually four weeks) to distance yourself from everything related to him. You do not text him, call him or even bump into him “by accident”. You are not also allowed to like that Instagram post even when your fingers are just itching to do so.
During this time, your ex will have his own time of figuring things out. He might miss you. He might even call you. But the ultimate goal of this “No Contact Rule” is for you to realize things on your own. Do you still want to get back with him? If yes, what are the next steps? If no, what can you do to get over him?
Here are some reasons why the “No Contact Rule” works:
It lets you look back on the relationship with wider perspective.
- Because you are dealing with it on your own, you realize things based on your authentic feelings. You are not influenced by your ex or anyone around you. For you to really understand what happened in the relationship, you have to take a step back and look at the whole picture.
During this period, you get more in touch with your emotions and your desires. You will realize a lot of things and how you would like to approach this whole breakup. Whether you try to work things out or leave it as it is, this will be your own time to decide.
It helps you clear out your emotions.
- Always communicating with an ex can really mess up your emotions. You are not sure if you just miss his body or you really want him back. He can contact you multiple times, but you have to fight the urge to respond. The moment you talk to him again during this period, you are going to find yourself on the same loop again.
Naturally, you are emotionally vulnerable after a breakup. To clear your head and your heart, try to eliminate whatever bothers it. After a breakup, you surely will not find solace in the presence of your ex. As the saying goes, you can’t heal in the same place you got sick in.
It helps you break-free from your routines with him.
- You might have Thursday movie night or Sunday date schedules that you religiously follow. Sure, you might miss these times. But you know it to yourself that this will have to change from now on. The no contact rule cuts any chance of you running back to him just because you miss the fun times. No constant communication also means you have no way of taking advantage of each other during this vulnerable time.
Use this time to create your own routines. Self-care is very important. Make your own schedule without depending on someone else and follow it faithfully. Sooner or later you will realize that you can do these fun activities even without your partner.
It lets you see more opportunities out there.
- May it be dating or career opportunities, not having someone to influence you with their own bias will help you put more of yourself out to the world. During the no contact period, you will slowly see things through a different lens. Your perspective will change.
Use this time to go out more and meet new people. You can also meet old friends. Just don’t confine yourself to the four walls of your relationship. Hopefully, meeting other people will help you realize that one thing you have been trying to find out: Do I want him back or am I now ready to start a life completely without him?
If you are going through a breakup, your mind must be swirling with tons of questions right now. These questions might leave you making bad decisions after bad decisions if you keep on heeding them. The No Contact Rule will surely help you in putting your thoughts into a clearer perspective.
Taking a time off from everything is always a good idea. After this period, you are in a better state to decide whether you will get back with him or not. Do not make decisions while you are still hurting and confused. This will only make matters worse. Take a break from him and everything else, then see where it leads you. Avoiding distractions is always the best way to not derail yourself from making the best decision.