The push and pull theory about relationships are familiar to most if not all of us. It is being attracted to someone, however, in the beginning, you are establishing your image to this person, and so you play a little cat and mouse game before there is a balance. Women need space and comfort at the same time. I would like to compare it to a dance I saw at the little theatre a long time ago. She pulls him in and then pushes him away, he is confused, however, unless he creates some mystery about him and impresses her with his stamina and his strength, he can start thinking about dating someone else. This will happen especially when the woman is a target for many other suitors, your approach will have to stand out and cannot be like the other guy.
You do something productive then you do something somewhat counterproductive towards her comfort. The problem for newbies that learn this is they think you gotta have some line or create some kind of thing for every push. A push can be walking away. Being silent. Question something about her. Withdrawing a warm playful tone. Becoming distracted. Making a phone call to someone else. It can be tons of natural things. If you try to create something every time you end up looking a bit weird. The experts are smooth and consistent and you wonder why the bad boys get the girl because they do not play by the rules and it doesn’t bother them too much if they win or loses her heart.
You move from one extreme to the other. Example… you see her and say hi, the conversation is interesting, you pay her a compliment and then the next day you pass her like she was not even there, a silly thing to do but what is important is that you get her attention. You may not have to use this technique immediately, but if you detect any resistance from her then that is the way to go.
I notice it with tone, eye contact and all the subtle things. Basically, if I was to sum it up I would call it attention and interest vs challenging and hard to get….and all the verbal and non-verbal ways of communicating. Its building attraction (push) then building comfort (pull). Showing interest (pull) vs showing disinterest (push). There are many sites that will probably offer a better explanation than I do, however, this is as simple as it gets.
At the beginning of getting to know someone, there are dances that are necessary. Before the person you are interested in will become comfortable with you there are some things you need to communicate. I am a catch, confident and I value my time. There is a fear factor of acceptance and rejection, this can ultimately cause mistakes and so for the first couple of weeks in getting to know someone a dance happens and by the way, the push/pull can last for months.
If the pusher and puller can realize what is actually going on here — two adults perpetuating old wounds—then they can work on the relationship together. Some couples will stay in these relationships for a lifetime, feeding off the love and connection they feel in between chases.
“Relationships are not meant to cause us pain. Our relationships should feel supportive, honest and loving. However, if your partner makes great strides, both psychologically and emotionally, to heal his or her own wounds, the push-pull relationship can become a match made in heaven.” said by Emily Wilcox in a blog on HuffPost.
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