Many years ago I saw her talking to a friend and for the first time, I felt what most of my friends were talking about, that feeling that you feel in your heart that you hardly have any control over.
My first move was to go over and introduce myself, but I had no clue how to do that because I wanted to make an immediate impact, I wanted her to see my heart, I wanted her to feel the same, but how was I going to do that with her friend around, it was difficult as it is. Junior was my best friend at the time, he was older so he would know how to handle situations like these. He gave me a few pointers and so I wrote a short note and gave to her, she did not reply in fact when I saw her the next day, she did not make eye contact and that was that it felt like a kick in the stomach.
Fate would have it that she moved from her parish and was in close proximity to me and we would take the public transportation together, we started talking and I shared with her my feelings. She appeared flattered but said very little about it and so I accepted it as her way of appreciating my feelings of love for her.
I made all the mistakes that someone should not make, I placed her on a pedestal the minute I saw her, I pursued her as if she was my last hope of finding love. I was told by my mother that I should be myself, be authentic, treat her with kindness and there is no way she can refuse that. The push/pull experience is not about what you are giving.
Push/Pull Relationship
Needless to say, that was my first heartbreak. I had a few after that experience and it has led me to this. When we feel love for someone a number of things are going on in our mind, we want so much for the exchange to work that we go into a self-preservation mode even without realizing it. This could be tied into our different attachment, but we are almost destroying the prospect of a relationship before it has even started.
We can be great at our jobs, excellent actors, play the piano and sing like Stevie Wonder, but when it comes to drag/pull relationship and matters of the heart our feelings appear to manage us instead of us managing our feelings. The push/pull experience is based on our attachment and sometimes our reaction to our partner’s is based on things that may not have very little to do with the push/pull exchange.
There is a push and pull dynamic in every relationship, once you understand that dynamic of the push/pull relationship you will know how to manage your reaction with others, the goal is not to learn to manage their reaction to you but to manage your reaction to the person you are interested in. When to back off and what to do and say especially if the person is not reciprocating in a manner that is saying we are the same page.
Communicating with a woman you are totally interested in but saying to her, I like talking to you, you are interesting to listen to, I respect your position and your feelings without signalling to her that you falling fast for her requires an understanding of the push and pull. Asking to catch up with her by phone, taking her number and not reaching out of a week is understanding the push/pull relationship. Calling her up and saying to her that is good to hear her voice but you are very busy while you are just passing the time may seem like a silly game, but if you want to make the initial impact of mystery, it is always best in having an understanding of how the push and pull works.
Let us remember that there is much understanding of the push and pull, and intimate relationships can go south when partners get stuck in a pursue-withdraw cycle.
In this push/pull relationship, one partner seeks greater connection but grows increasingly critical when the connection is elusive. The other partner seeks greater autonomy and increasingly withdraws in the face of complaints and pressure. Intimate relationships can go south when partners get stuck in a pursue-withdraw cycle. In this push/pull relationship, one partner seeks greater connection but grows increasingly critical when the connection is elusive. The other partner seeks greater autonomy and increasingly withdraws in the face of complaints and pressure.
The push and pull that we are focusing on is when you are pursuing someone, you create an elusion once the relationship becomes intimate then you start having a different conversation.
This article should add some light on the push and pull and why and how we can make it effectively work for us. There is many more on this topic and is only relevant if you find your situation is stuck then I am sure a little push and pull could provide a reasonable solution. Is the push/pull relationship sustainable? It is.
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