Prevention is better than having to deal with a cure, that is what my grandfather would say when something was done and in his mind could have been prevented. What if that bit of advice is too late and you now have to deal with the reality of the recovery? It is never easy when recovering from an affair, the recovery is after the affair has happened, it is over and you feel there is nowhere to go.
Online there is no short of information about ways in strengthening your relationship, fixing an unhealthy marriage, and keys to a successful relationship. So we have great advice everywhere about how to keep the relationship healthy from affairs and so many other factors that can destroy a marriage.
While prevention is vital, recovery is the challenge after an affair has happened. Is it really possible to put the past behind you when the past includes you or your partner’s affair? Not to mention if you were the third wheel in the affair and you were discarded because all of a sudden things are now peachy at home.
RECOVERING FROM AN AFFAIR
After the trauma of an affair, it is always difficult to bounce back, however, the good news is you can and despite this process being long for some, in the end, it is always worth it if you apply the right approach that will eventually contribute to your learning and growth process.
Your first move is to cut away clean if your right hand offends you then chop it off. If you were deceived on any level, do not make excuses, do not hope for change, do not have unrealistic expectations, chop it off.
The next move is, to be honest with yourself. We make excuses for our poor judgement, this will only set you back in making progress. For the person who is recovering and has to prove to their partner that they were truly sorry and will do better, transparency is important. Part of the recovery is to make your mobile phone, email address and other available to your partner, this is for transparency. We must remember that recovery for the partner and the participants are all important, we tend to forget that the person who was part of the affair could very well be a victim.
Never think that someone is innocent and someone is guilty, the only focus is to ensure that all individuals involved are recovering in a healthy manner.
It is important that we do our introspection, what led to the affair, how can I prevent this from happening in the future? We do have a tendency and not taking responsibility for what we said or did that encouraged the affair unless we take responsibility for the part we played and commit to the work ahead then we are going to be stuck for a long time.
There are no 1-2-3 steps to recovery, it is hard work. Even when you look at the word recovery you will recognise that there is work to be done, for the persons who were in the affair and the partner or partners who suffered as a result.
There are two types of recovery to focus on,
- Personal
- Marriage
Both are very important as it is known that some persons after an affair will do everything to keep their marriage alive and then live a lifetime of guilt, they saved the marriage but died in the process. Sometimes the injured spouse will stay trapped in a place of anger, misery, regret and shock. For the individual who had the affair, improper recovery can lead to a repeat of the behaviour.
What is important is that we all know despite an affair, folks can recover to have a healthy relationship, an affair can mean many things, it can be the kick that some relationships require in moving in the right direction.
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