A relationship doesn’t work, you split, shed the tears and pick yourself back up and move on. The moment you start to think you are over it, they want back in, because you are not over your ex most times you will take them back. Now, keep in mind that moment could come at any time, sometimes it may not be about wanting you back, so they suggest that a friendship would be good, they say and does things that confuse and this could be a sincere feeling to keep you close and it could be just a safety net.
You truly care about and love this person, so you are going to settle for friendship with the hope that it will escalate to what you experienced with your ex, adjustments have to be made after a breakup especially if both persons want different things.
I’m not sure what it is that draws us back in, I am sure that the Safety net is out of fear. Is it the comfort level? Is it the good memories from the past that cloud our judgment? Is it a fear of being alone?
We are drawn back in and we tell ourselves “it will be different this time.” How often is it truly different? Most the time it’s not. The same things that annoyed you then will annoy you now. The same mannerisms that got on your nerves are more than likely still there, making up is exciting, but for a relationship to work after a breakup it is advised that you both need to take the time to figure out the reason for the break and work on it.
You both enter into this “new/old” relationship on your best behaviour and then one day you wake up and the old behaviour, no wait a minute it was always there – it was just playing undercover.
The only thing that I can think is that we are drawn to old relationships because perhaps there is a lesson that we left behind that we need to learn.
I don’t expect anyone to be perfect, but due to the way our relationship ended I realised that I had her on a pedestal – at least perfect for me and that other interferences caused our breakup. No relationship is perfect and no relationship will ever be, so if you give yourself the time to figure it out you will come to an understanding of what contributed to the breakup and you should not have to feel that it was all you.
It’s ok to care about your past lover, to hold them close to your heart and perhaps if you can handle it even develop a friendship later – but don’t ever fool yourself into thinking that the relationship will be different the second time around if no real work is done. The issues that caused it to break are still there – even though they may not be apparent, eventually they will reappear if no effort to change is made.
Learn the lesson you need to learn and move on.
I am a religious man and believe very much in commitment and forgiveness, and I do believe that when a relationship is broken, when you go through sleepless nights, hanging on for this one person to reciprocate a love you have for them that never came just rest assure that for some it may take a long time, you will heal. just try to avoid a Safety Net category. Never settle for that, be patient and wait on that person that will make you feel special and treat you like you are important to them.
A Safety net situation will only hurt in the future, never settle.