It is commonly felt that men are hunters and love to chase, but what we are discovering is that both men and women are changing their roles. I am not even sure where the whole concept of men are hunters started, but I am discovering that men were being hunted from the beginning of time and they were not even aware of it.
What does it mean to chase or be chased? It just simply means to try and persuade someone that you are interested in a relationship and if they would be too.
Some persons are scared to death to chase, but if you think about it, chasing requires some skills that most of us had to cultivate over time, it is always good when you know how to chase and when to stop.
A gambler never knows if it going to be his/her night and so the excitement is built up in the uncertainty of it all. Just imagine that you were winning every time you went to the slot machine, then the excitement would be gone and you would probably stop gambling.
The Dating Chase
Of course, there’s some psychological reasoning behind the lure of the dating chase. Talkspace therapist Rachel O’Neill, PhD, explains, “There’s certainly an aspect of positive reinforcement that can be related to dating. This reinforcement is on an intermittent schedule (i.e., dating doesn’t always lead to a positive outcome) which can make the experience even more reinforcing.”
What if you both are dating and there is no reason to keep chasing but you feel like you are chasing?
It becomes difficult when you do not know how to stop chasing and the person you are chasing doesn’t know when he/she can allow you to be vulnerable in their life.
Many persons just love to be chased, and when you stop chasing they will do things in encouraging the chase because it is flattering to them. Chasing someone is a thrill…one that you probably don’t get to revel in when you’re in a secure relationship. Scientifically, having a crush and falling for someone releases feel-good hormones like dopamine and adrenaline.
Part of the chase is a chase for those brain chemicals, to feel those euphoric feelings again. It is the same for someone who likes to be chased.
Another reason you can’t quit the dating chase may be related to your self-esteem. “In some ways, we might be trying to validate our self-worth through our partner,” O’Neill said, “For example, attempting to date someone who is physically desirable, secure in their career, or extremely self-confident can help us to feel more secure about our self-worth.”
This may explain your desire to chase who you think is the best of the best, even when they’re unattainable or they are not providing you with the attention that you need to be encouraged. You subconsciously (or not so subconsciously) want validation that you’re good enough, in all aspects of your life — including dating. Are you desirable enough? Smart enough? Sexy enough? Well, landing your ideal partner might be the proof that you need to prove to yourself, and others, that you are worthy.
Should you commit?
Some persons are considered serial daters, they just enjoy the chase or to be chased. If you are the settling down type person then chasing someone who is not ready to settle down maybe a waste of your time. If someone is not ready to settle down, that is fine, but it would be good to share that feeling with someone whose ready, you may lose them, but it better to be honest.
It is okay to get the chasing out of your system so that when you are ready to settle down your soul is ready.
Changing the Pattern.
While liking who we like isn’t necessarily something we have too much control over, we can try to be more aware of our patterns and look at the deeper reasons why we may be doing what we do. The first step is to recognize that there’s a problem.
“Once you recognize that it’s the thrill of the chase that you’re focused on, you can start to identify some of the reasons why this is happening,” O’Neill advises. “Are you trying to fill a need in your life? Is there a part of you that is looking to have some unmet needs met? Once you identify some of the motivations behind the behaviour, you can take steps to meaningfully address these areas.”
Equally, if you find that you are chasing someone who is caught up with the cycle of the chase and is not committing then there are things you can do to change that and the first thing is to stop chasing. Just remember our definition of what chasing is and not try and persuade someone that you are right for them if you have been doing this for a while.
To Chase or Be Chased?
It is beginning to feel like a sick game, something has to change! You are just not happy with how you are feeling about the relationship and so the first thing is to analyse yourself. If you are not happy with silence, being happy in your own company then you will continue to chase.
There is the phenomenon of “inner speech” which refers to the sense that you can “hear” yourself thinking; this is that “silent voice” that narrates your day-to-day activities. Learning to read often involves reading out loud also, in which case we hear our voice.
Take some time in getting acquainted with that voice, talk to yourself that there are some things you need to change and you will get the instructions. At first, you will hear nothing, but if you are consistent with the method, eventually you will experience a breakthrough. If you are a Christian you may say it is the voice of the Holy Spirit, but whatever it is, you need to hear it so you can make the transition into finding and keeping a healthy relationship.