“I could NEVER date a smoker.” I’ve said this so many times since I’ve started dating. I can’t take the smell, it also really bothers my eyes and lungs. I really do not have many friends who smoke, so the question of dating a guy that smokes never crossed my mind.
Michelle came up to me very concerned and the question was asked, I fell in love with him and he smokes. He’s quitting, but with how hard it is I still label him as a smoker. Now I believe he’s trying to quit, but I don’t know how successful he’ll be and I’m not sure how dating a guy that smokes.
I obviously don’t want him to quit for me, because then if we fight or break up he’d most likely jump back into it. I want him to quit for him. But yes, I do want him to quit. Since he started quitting before he met me, I know he’s doing it for him which is great.
But what do I do now? I want to support him, but not hound him about it either. He knows I’m all for him quitting, but when he mentions wanting to smoke, should I ask him not to?
I had to get back to her on that and this is what I discovered are some hints if you’re dating a guy that smokes and you don’t, and then if you’re a smoker dating a non-smoker.
If you’re A Non Smoker Dating a Smoker:
You know they smoke. It’s not okay for you to get angry or annoyed at them when they do. You knew this going into the relationship and it’s not fair to hold it against them. If you can’t do that, don’t date a smoker.
You don’t have to be around it. If they pull out a cigarette and you can’t/don’t want to be around it, leave. You can also ask them not to smoke around you.
Don’t expect them to quit for you, or ask them to quit for you. You can ask them if they want to quit, or have thought about it, and try to be supportive, but don’t make them do something they don’t want to do.
Understand that this is a difficult dating situation, on both parties. Try not to let this dig a wedge between you.
If you’re A Smoker Dating a Non Smoker:
Bring gum, mouth wash, body spray… Anything you can to help get the smell off of you. The smoke smell that lingers around you is just as bad as you smoking. It might be hard, or seem like a hassle, but look at it like this; they try to smell good for you.
If you want to smoke, let your non-smoking partner know and walk away.
If you want to quit, don’t do it for your partner, do it for you. You’re more likely to succeed.
It’s really hard for non-smokers to date smokers, please do all you can to keep it away from them.
You know they don’t smoke. You know they didn’t smoke going into the relationship. Don’t try to get them to start.
“I’ve always had deal breakers, but I recently realized how you can overlook them if you really like the person. This still may not work out, but I’m going to give it a shot”, said Michelle after we discussed what I researched. “He’s admittedly been going through a rough patch, but I like him enough I’d like to see him through it if I can. Even if we just become friends in the end.” She is off to a good start, unconditional acceptance, not sure I am that open about dating someone who smokes.