The question was asked, “Why do some guys just up and leave?”
The friendship is going okay, maybe you have a tiff or two, but nothing to create any alarm. Men do process but are socialized to keep the emotional stuff in their heads, never spoken about, it doesn’t even have to be about the relationship, however instead of talking about it he puts distance between himself and the person he is most vulnerable to, and just suddenly ups and leaves without saying a word about the situation. Women are left puzzled by this behaviour and are searching for answers, most times her thoughts are something must be wrong with her. Most times this interferes with any future relationship or interaction she is going to have with another man who is getting close to her heart.
Some of us are better communicators than others, however, because of how we articulate, we are not very expressive with our feelings, always playing ball and fighting each other, we bottle everything inside and sure being the strong silent type can be attractive, however there are those situations that call for expression of feelings. Most men are not very good with expressing feelings and those are just the facts.
Gregg Henriques PhD made this very clear in an article that he wrote, “A recent clinical encounter reminded me of the way many modern men experience their emotions and needs, and how it can negatively impact their relationship quality. I have seen this theme unfold in similar ways in many different couples” His article will show the dynamics involved. Here the question still remains, why does ghosting hurt?
What I am saying in essence, the reasons for leaving is different, but it is how we communicate that makes it difficult for the other individual to reconcile the behaviour. We were raised to keep our feelings bottled up, we were raised to believe that showing emotions and expressing ourselves is a sign of weakness. So, rather than showing our vulnerability, we shut down and walk away.
Men are indeed hunters and while that may be changing, it still does apply to men versus women. There are the exceptions of course, but the majority of us are hunters. When the hunter conquers his prey, the hunter wants to be fed with what attracted him to the beast in the first place. If he is fed and his appetite filled, most will get bored and move on to the next pray, it takes considerable effort and knowledge in breaking this cycle.
Take the time to enjoy your man, do not try and change him and certainly, do not hold yourself responsible when it turns out that you may not be his choice prey, study him, know what makes him interesting. Having an understanding of your man can release the anxiety you feel when you are trying to learn about him from books, magazines and friends who do not have a clue about your man, maybe their man, because men are different in what makes decide that someone is worth it, you may not be able to tame the beast, but you can communicate that you are worth the chase, and this man may just want to be around for the long-distance function of the relationship. Asking a man to talk, to express himself, nagging him about being more attentive to you will for him be a red flag…
So, no, men are not unfeeling. Rather, many are trapped in the confines of a socialization process that tells them it’s unmanly to cry, to hurt, or to express the myriad other emotions we all experience as a result of living fully as human beings.
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