You have heard this before but I will say it again just for this article. The strongest relationships will face challenges, it is the way we perceive ourselves that is the highest hurdle to cross.
You can win her heart Again
Building a happy, healthy partnership takes work and may not always be easy, especially when there’s been a breach of trust. “Issues are a part of life and a part of being in a relationship,” says clinical psychologist Stone Kraushaar. “And the goal is to not fixate on the past, but work to create together in a meaningful way.”
Whether it is a difficult situation, a woman you are pursuing and the task appears impossible, the most important thing is connecting, once you can do that it is not impossible to find love in an impossible situation.
Here are some tips that will help:
Take responsibility for your input in the conflict
If there has been infidelity or trust has been broken, it’s important to take full responsibility for what happened and be understanding of how your behaviour hurt your partner. Even if in your mind you feel this person did you wrong and is, do not focus on their action, focus on your action, this is like a magnet for persons you are trying to impact.
Avoid becoming defensive or sidestepping your mistake, but don’t fall into self-loathing either. “You should own it in a loving way that creates the space to start to rebuild trust,” says Kraushaar.
Just remember the simple move is to take responsibility and not point a finger in justifying your actions.
Win her trust again
While you have a right to be hurt and angry with her, if there is any breach of trust, focus on winning her trust in you. You may do something and you think she will never forgive you for it, but that is you being judgemental about your situation. People are willing to forgive if they believe you are truly sorry. Do not justify or try to cover up, just make amends and leave the rest to her, if the love is true, trust can be restored.
How transparent are you?
We tend to hide our feelings when we wrong someone out of shame and fear of rejection. Bottling our emotions is not the best approach in getting someone to see your heart, you can express your feelings in a caring and nurturing way that is the best way to share your inner thoughts and feelings with someone you love.
If you’re the one who broke the trust, this also involves being radically transparent with yourself about what motivated you to do so. Was it simply a lapse in judgement? Or was it an attempt to sabotage a situation you didn’t know how to get out of? Once you are able to answer the question for yourself then you are on your way.
To be honest with each other, you’ll have to start by being brutally honest to yourselves.
Seek professional help
Broken trust can take a toll on everyone in the relationship. The most important question is if there is a third party, who does her heart belong to? Once her heart belongs to you then half your battle has been won.
If there’s been a significant breach, consider working together with a qualified therapist who specializes in relationships and can provide guidance for healing. If that is out of the question then you can allow the therapist to guide you.
Compassion and care does work
You hurt your partner/friend, that much is true, but feeling ashamed and guilty of the situation can spiral you into shame that will put you at a disadvantage is you focus your energy on this too much. It is in the past, use it as a learning curve, but do not dwell on your mistakes.
Rather than spend all your time beating yourself up over what you did wrong, try shifting that energy toward showing care and compassion to him/her.
How to manage your expectations
Discuss with your partner and set ground rules that take into account your exclusiveness and commitment to each other. In a case of her being confused about her situation with another remember by pursuing it can spiral into the cycle of pursuing and withdrawing, do not be afraid to give space and lots of space. If you do not have to reach out then don’t, giving your partner time to figure out his/her emotion is critical to the healing of broken promises and trust.
Being honest and upfront about your expectations from the beginning can prevent things from going wrong down the road.
Take him/her off the pedestal
While it’s important to pay attention to fostering closeness in a relationship, that aspect shouldn’t consume you.
No matter how much you miss the other person, don’t forget about other important areas of your life. Keep up with your hobbies and interests — a happy and healthy relationship partly involves you being each partner being their person.
When you feel that longing coming on, the need to reach out, need to do something in getting his/her attention, remember the emotion is fleeting and will pass, allow it to. You will be stronger and so much more confident if you do not allow your emotions of fear and rejection to drive your decisions.
Remember these tips at all times and your partner will respect you for it, you can win her heart again.