I got a call from an old friend and she was in tears. After being in a relationship for over 10 years she finally decided to move on, he was not getting any better, he was not proposing, things were just going on and on, she hoping that things would change, but they haven’t and she now wants to break it off, but all this conversation is going on in her head.
I lied in bed listening to her go on and on about it and wondered how easy it should have been for her to just tell him all that she was just telling me, so heartfelt, so open and so vulnerable, he should be able to understand? His defences may go up and he would keep interrupting her trying to make a case for himself and what she just said to him would just go up in smoke!
She told me that in the past she tried moving on, left him, but for some reason he found her and begged, blew up her phone none stop for 3 days, when she checked, she had 578 miss calls, who does that?
For 3 out of the 10 years she has been trying to break up with the guy and to no success, but he is not me, just say the word I want to leave and I am gone, but some guys are different, they hang on even if they know they are making their partner unhappy.
Some people the problem could be steering them in the eye they will not let go because of fear or having abandonment issues. No matter what you say to him, he is going to make a case for you staying, even if he sees that you are unhappy, in time he thinks that you will be happy again, and the next thing you know, 20 years pass and you are still with this guy who you do not love or you are not happy with.
Here are some things you can do:
Be honest with the person about how you are feeling, do not sugarcoat it, but do not hurt the persons’ feelings while making your point.
He/She is going to make a case for why you both should be together but hold your ground. While the conversation is going on, it is not about “The US” or “YOU”, it is about “I”.
Your partner may threaten by saying that they will commit suicide, they won’t!
When the person is talking and making a case for why you should stay together, listen, be still, they will eventually get exhausted, but do not get into an argument, it can suck you right in and you give in because you are tired.
When you are away from the person, delete all contact, and I mean ALL.
Now that you are home and away from this person, you will sometimes feel lonely, under no situation and even if you need help with something they are expert in, do not contact him/her.
How to break up is just as important as why you are breaking up. Freedom from a stressful relationship is like water in a desert, there is no price you can pay for your freedom and your peace of mind.