Last night, I was home watching the NFL — the Eagles versus the Giants. Vince Young led the Eagles to a comeback victory, scoring 17 points in the fourth quarter to win 17–10. It wasn’t my team, so the result didn’t matter much, but it was interesting to see the passion of the players and the energy of their supporters.
When the game ended, I realized that for the first time in a long while, there was nothing else left to do. I didn’t feel like sleeping. I thought about waiting up to watch Dexter on Showtime, but before I could even reach for the remote, a dark and heavy feeling washed over me — loneliness.
Facing the Reality of Separation
I’m going through a divorce. The papers are already filed; now it’s just a matter of waiting. I had explored a new relationship with a wonderful woman, but it didn’t last. The truth is, I wasn’t ready. My heart was still healing, and my mind was still asking the hard questions that come when you’re trying to make sense of what went wrong.
Eventually, I accepted that I needed time to be alone — to date myself, so to speak — to get to know who I am again before stepping into something new. I missed companionship, the warmth of someone in my corner, someone to say, “It’s going to be okay.” But I knew I couldn’t look for that comfort until I learned how to be whole on my own.
The Forgotten Ones
There’s something peculiar about the space between being married and being single again. Society doesn’t seem to know what to do with us — the separated, the ones who are healing. We see events for singles and programs for couples, but rarely anything that speaks to those in transition. It can feel like an invisible, lonely road.
Even in church, people can be unintentionally insensitive. When I mention that I’m going through a divorce, the first response I get is, “I’m so sorry.” But divorce isn’t a dirty word. It’s simply two people acknowledging that the relationship no longer works. It’s not failure — it’s growth, learning, and sometimes, the painful way of finding peace.
When Loneliness Hits
That night, the loneliness came without warning. I broke down and cried — not because I wanted my marriage back or because I felt sorry for myself, but because I had no control over that empty feeling. I thought about calling a friend but decided against it. Sometimes, friends can’t fill that kind of void. So, I picked up my guitar instead and let the music speak for me.
Loneliness after separation is inevitable. It doesn’t always make sense and can sneak up on you at the most unexpected times. But there’s one thing I’ve learned: instead of running from it, I can learn from it.
Rediscovering the Source of Happiness
During my healing, I realized something powerful — my happiness cannot depend on someone else. If I’m not content within myself, no relationship can truly satisfy me. Too often, we put our emotional well-being in the hands of others, giving them control over how we feel. When they disappoint us or leave, we feel broken.
But the truth is, our happiness should never be borrowed — it should come from within. That realization became the essence of my healing journey.
Choosing to Love Myself First
Instead of looking for someone else to complete me, I decided to take responsibility for my own emotions and learn to love myself fully. That shift didn’t come easily — it still doesn’t. But every day that I practice it, I feel stronger and more peaceful.
When you learn to fill your own cup first, you enter your next relationship whole — not hoping someone will fix you, validate you, or make you “okay.” If no one else comes along, you’ll still be fine, because your sense of worth is no longer dependent on another person’s love.
Taking Yourself on a Date
Here’s something I’ve started doing — I take myself on dates. It sounds simple, but it’s incredibly healing. Go to dinner at your favourite restaurant, even if it means sitting alone. Take a walk in nature. Watch a movie by yourself. Read that book you’ve been meaning to start, with a glass of wine in hand.
At first, it might feel uncomfortable or even selfish, but it’s not. It’s self-care. You’re teaching yourself that you are worth your own time and attention. That you can be your own source of joy. TAKING YOURSELF ON A DATE.
Rewriting the Story of Loneliness
Will I feel lonely again? Of course. That feeling doesn’t just disappear. But it no longer controls me. I’ve learned not to rush into another relationship just to silence the loneliness. I’ve learned to sit with it, understand it, and let time do its quiet healing work.
Loneliness after separation doesn’t have to destroy you — it can rebuild you. It can teach you to find peace in solitude and strength in self-love. And eventually, when you’re ready, it will prepare you to love again — not from emptiness, but from fullness.
Reflection Questions
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What does loneliness teach you about yourself?
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How do you define happiness outside of a relationship?
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Have you ever taken yourself on a date? What did you learn from the experience?
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How do you respond when the feeling of loneliness comes unexpectedly?
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In what ways are you learning to love yourself during your healing journey?
Read more inspiring reflections at Relationship Guide Review.
