In a conversation I was having with a young friend of mine, it was brought to my attention how complicated dating has become. Dating is not the same as it once was and many persons who are new the rules of dating have had their heart broken, some to never recover from the trauma they experience from dating.
It was important for me to share some rules with my reading audience that I am sure will lessen if not eliminate the perils that can transpire when you take the wrong approach to dating.
Dating should be the most interesting part of our lives, it should be fun, and should reveal more about us than the person we are dating, so let us just into these rules of dating.
It Is About You
I said it, this is about you. Most persons go into a date mostly gaga about the person they are going on the date with, they forget about themselves and focus on showing their best self to this stranger and then propose to even say things about themselves that may not even be true, but to impress their date, most times this is what happens. Dinner dates that spontaneously turn into a five-hour bar crawl or movie night can be incredibly fun, but they can also leave you in a state of confusion and despair if nothing develops from the marathon outing afterward. Make your date short enough and just enough to convey the right message, but you should always remember, to make it about you.
Be Upfront About What you Want
If you want to be in a serious relationship, then be upfront about it, if you just want to have a friend you can call upon to share the evening with, eating ice cream or just watching a movie then be honest about it, but never say one thing and mean the other.
If you’re worried that telling a potential partner you want a relationship (in general, not necessarily with them) because you think it’ll scare them off or make you seem desperate, let go of that idea. Anyone who bails when you’re honest about your intentions isn’t someone who would stick around in the long run, anyway, so you’re doing yourself a favour. I know I did it when I was young, short changed myself because I so desperately wanted to be with a specific girl, all the guys were gaga about her, she must be someone special, that is just not how it works.
Let the ex be the X
Never allow the past to impact the present or and your future. Learn the lessons and use the lessons to your growth and advantage.
If they bring up the ex convo, divert it with something like: “I’d be happy to tell you about that stuff when we get to know each other a little better, but for now I’m really enjoying hearing about YOU.”
Your date will always take away a positive feeling by not hearing too much about your failed relationship and marriage. Always focus on the now, make the best of now and it is guaranteed that the now will grant you joy.
Be true to Your Promises
Judging from my life’s perspective, people are different and approach planning for a date very differently.
Whether the person is a good planner of dates or not, I can always appreciate someone who is consistent and do follow ups. I just love the rain checkers, not today but definitely tomorrow or next week. This is always a good sign to when discovered in your date.
Of course, if you feel like they habitually hit you up out of convenience or they rarely make an attempt to show you that they’re thinking about you, then you should feel free to let them know…or lose their number entirely.
Confused by modern dating? You’re not alone. Maybe we all went through it to an extent or another, but having rules will release the anxiety.
Our date will always take away a positive feeling by not hearing too much about your failed relationship and marriage. Always focus on the now, make the best of now and it is guaranteed that the now will grant you joy.
It is not time for Obligation and Commitment
You truly like this person, it was just the one date, but everything inside is saying this is the one, you start planning the wedding and going out with other persons feels like a betrayal. This is the attitude to messes up most dates, most potential as jumping ahead of the time is like jumping out a plane without a parachute.
Guard this feeling as this is the feeling that will make you commit even if your body, mind and spirit is screaming at you to commit. It takes time and believe or not, you have the time. I would rather wait 10 years for the real thing than to jump in fast and it was not real, destroying my body, mind and spirit. When you are ready, because you took the time to evaluate when the time comes your mind will say, “I am ready”. The shout in your head is going to be so direct your head will spin at that experience. Cupid is waiting to shoot that arrow, only with your permission.
When Can I Have Sex
I am writing on a forum that attracts readers of all different persuasion. My Christian upbringing is saying, wait for the right one, wait until you are in a committed relationship, wait until you are married, abstinence is the best avenue and after marriage allow the beauty of sex to be explored when the mind is completely ready.
This may not fly with you, but that would be my advice and for those who truly cannot wait to do it as it was created to share, follow the rules. I truly believe that until you know beyond a doubt that the heart that is shared with you is genuine and with good intentions then you should withhold your body for the ultimate experience.
The world is filled with trickery, people sometimes with the best intention are not even aware that they are flawed and will hurt anyone they come in contact with, so develop that spirit of discernment and insight and you will be guided accordingly.
Rules to Dating
Todays dating culture differs vastly from even five years ago. Everything from texting etiquette to when to become intimate makes for a sometimes-confusing modern dating landscape. Before you venture to add someone else to your life, be sure you have cleaned your own emotional closets. Nothing destroys even the strongest of connections like pursuing love from a broken place. Keep it in mind… it is about you. There are no rules for when or whom should contact after a date. If you want to reach out and express gratitude or enjoyment for the time spent together, do so! Do not withhold communication or fail to follow up until a certain amount of time has passed as a means of playing a game or otherwise gain the upper hand. All too often we enter into a new connection and become consumed by it. We stop visiting our friends and doing the things that lend fortification to our foundation. You must maintain a life that is entirely your own and offers you support outside of a relationship.
Date for the Fun of it.
Date for the fun of it, not the destination. While marriage and children is just as much a modern concept as a traditional one, it’s important not to approach every single date as though you are interviewing a potential life partner. A sense of spaciousness where the journey is in this moment is just as much appreciated as a potential destination, which makes for a much more fun, relaxed, and enjoyable dating experience.
Ultimately the term “rules” implies that there is only one right way to date; something which I do not subscribe to. Honoring what you feel is right for you in any given moment is ultimately the only sure fire way to ensure you have an positive dating experience. Take time to pause and center yourself to see how your body and internal guidance system are calling you. Trust that internal guide and know it will be your greatest ally in creating healthy and lasting relationships. I will end like how I started, it is about YOU!