It is father’s day again and because of social media, you cannot help but wonder what is all the hype about as it relates to Father’s Day? I am not a father myself although I would like to be. My father when we were younger was always working, you never saw him around, a good father was something foreign to us, we thought that was it, dads were just there to bring it home. we would have preferred if he was around even for a couple of hours but that is what I remembered about my dad, he worked hard.
I was blessed however to see him transform into the greatest father I could ever have imagined and based on my observation of him, there are a couple of things I would like to share with those who are good fathers, those who are not so good and those who suck at it.
Some Things That Will Help You
Try to live your normal pre-child life as soon as possible. A lot of first-time parents freak out when they have an infant, and they don’t leave their house for two years because they’re afraid of what might happen to “the baby.” It’s a baby — not nitroglycerin. After a couple of weeks, go out and start to return to as much of you and your partner’s normal routine as possible. Remember — babies are small and travel surprisingly easily (especially with all the high-tech travel gear you’ll find at Super Baby Warehouse Megastore).
Take your baby out to breakfast with you, take them on trips, shopping, on aeroplanes, and just about everywhere you used to go before the baby arrived (okay, don’t take the baby to raves — but you get the idea). Once you realize that you’re out there, doing regular things with the little one going along just fine, you’ll realize that although some things are certainly different now, you can still do most of the things you used to do. When you start doing regular things, it will take a lot of stress off you both, and give you time to feel like a couple again, if you are going to feel tied to this baby and be losing you in the process then trouble will set in.
Be there for the mother of this child, your child. It is important to chip in and give her breaks, once she is of the impression that you are a part of the process you should be good. That’s why it’s so important that you give the mommy as many breaks as you can. She needs time for herself, but she’s so wrapped up in being a mom, she probably won’t stop long enough to care for herself.
The best thing you can do is make her take breaks. Watch the baby for a while as she naps, then has your wife go visit her girlfriend, or if her mom lives nearby, have her take some time and visit her. Even if she just wants to go to the mall, or see a movie with her friends, you’ve got to make time for her to do this. She needs it (more than even she knows) and it gives you some wonderful time with your new-born.
Enough about newborn, be there for your children no matter what, talk to them not talk at them. Remember that children do not process information as we do, but they are human beings with feelings just
Be Lovey; Treat Kids Fairly
Be affectionate with your children, especially as they get older. Kids need love, but they don’t understand the word “love” on any level. You might as well use the term “phalanges” with them because, to a child, it means the same thing — nothing. So teaching them how to love is important, what better example should there be.
But you know what kids do understand — a loving touch. Hugging them, snuggling them, and kissing them makes them feel loved. It’s a basic way humans communicate love, but some fathers feel awkward showing love in this way. Get over it. A kid needs to feel loved, always, and you have within your power a guaranteed way to make them know they’re loved. A kid that knows they’re loved is happy — the kind of kid that runs and jumps into your arms when they see you.
You will never, never regret being affectionate with your child, because you will be able to send a “you’re loved” message right to your kid’s heart anytime with just a simple peck on the forehead, a quick hug before school, or even just tousling their hair as they walk by. A dad’s loving touch is amazingly powerful; it sends a message to your child that words can’t always convey. By the way, high-fiving doesn’t count. It’s a celebration — not a sign of affection.
Treat your kid the way you wanted to be treated when you were a kid. Take a look back on how you were raised. Look back at how your dad showed or didn’t show, his love for you. How he disciplined you, encouraged you, criticized you, and moulded you. If you had a great dad, now’s your chance to take everything he showed you and put it to good use.
If you didn’t have a great dad, this is your chance, your golden opportunity to make up for every fatherly injustice he did to you by being to your child a much better and more sensitive, involved, loving dad than he was to you. I can remember my dad telling me that he was not a good dad when he just started because he never got it, so there another excuse. This is your chance to show your dad, and the world, “This is what being a good dad looks like.” Provide your child with a level of love, patience, understanding, and affection that shows your dad how it’s done.
Never Hurt; Listen to Yourself
Don’t ever abuse your kid. Ever. The same goes for your partner. There is never, ever a reason to hit a woman or abuse a child. It is the height of cowardice and a disgrace to fathers everywhere to hurt any woman or child. It is impossible to be a great dad if you hurt your child or your child’s mommy even once. It dishonours you, your entire life, and everything you’ve worked this hard to achieve. Pass this on to your kids.
Besides hitting, never be verbally cruel to your child. Never call him stupid, an idiot, or any name that makes him think he’s less than the special child he is. Make it your goal to give your kid so much love and praise that it gives him a high-self-esteem problem.
Advice on raising children is everywhere, and it’s all contradictory, so be very careful which guide you follow. Unfortunately, there is no bottom line, no official guide, and no absolute authority on raising kids, so there are hundreds of books on how to be a good parent and raise kid’s right. One book says if your baby cries, pick them up. Another book says let ’em cry it out. A third book says pick them up once, then let them cry it out. A fourth… well, you get the idea.
So how do you know which one is right? You don’t. So you have to do some research and decide for yourself. If you read only one book, you’ll probably go with that method. Talk to other parents, read books, parenting magazines, and online articles to get as much information as possible, then decide which of them makes the most sense to you.
Don’t go with things that don’t feel right in your gut. If it feels wrong to you, it’s probably wrong for your baby. With the Internet, there’s a ton of information out there, and not all of it is good. Go with your gut, and listen to that little voice inside your head that usually keeps you from making big mistakes.
Enjoy Every Minute; Learn & Give
The time you have with your kids flies by, so really take the time to enjoy it. Take time out of work to be with them. Call in sick one day and take them to the amusement park. Pick up your kid from school and go hit a bucket of balls with them, or volunteer to be the coach of their soccer team. Believe me, you won’t wind up on your deathbed saying, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.” You’ll say, “I wish I’d spent more time with my daughter.”
They don’t care what kind of job you have, or how many awards or accolades you’ve garnered in your industry, or what kind of degree you have. What they want most is your time. They want to be with you. They want your attention, your ear, your opinion, your focus — they just want to be around their dad. They need “dad time” and they want you around as much as possible.
This is very true about kids, even if you are around sleeping on the couch, the kids would be happy because “dad was there.” They just want you with them, around them, and being “there.” There was just something very different about my mother when my dad was around when we were small, she would not be as miserable with us. Now, what happens if you (dad) aren’t around enough? Problems start. They start doing things to get your attention, and not all of them are as well thought out as you’d hope. A kid whose dad spends a lot of time with him will generally stay out of trouble — a kid who constantly needs to do things to get dad’s attention generally won’t, so being a good man is also being observant.
As a young man growing up, I did so much to get my father’s attention and for each mistake that I made it pushed him further and further away, we both missed out completely.
A good father
Remember, you’re moulding a little life here, a very impressionable little mind, and you are your kid’s role model. A reasonable father. Show him how it’s supposed to be done; as your child grows older, you’ll be amazed at how you two wind up having so much in common. Why is that? Because he’s just like his dad.
This is just my opinion, I am not even a father myself, however, I have researched enough to know what impact being you could have on a society that has great dads, what are the things necessary in being a great dad. It is never too late to have an impact on being a good father.